i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
