the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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