if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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