I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize