I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
