so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It's rum buckets o'clock
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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