You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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