so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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