yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
