I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Randomize
