tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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