tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
