So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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