I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
