"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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