I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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