I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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