Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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