I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
