i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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