I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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