I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
