I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
