I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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