it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
