So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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