How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
