He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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