My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
