just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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