she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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