It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
