I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
