I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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