i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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