This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I want to fling myself into the sun
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
