I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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