Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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