Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
