O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
