dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
