why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
