My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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