my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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