"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
