You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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