Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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