my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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