you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
