remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
