1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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