it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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