3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
