I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
