Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize