I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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