Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
