I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I wish they made helmets for livers.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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