I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
