im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
