TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
