yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
