i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
