I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
