If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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