Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
