im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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