You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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