dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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