how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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