That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize