I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
